Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
