hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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