so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
