i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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