I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
