my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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