On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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