I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
