i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
