Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We are all done wearing pants today
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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