when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
