I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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