We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You made out with two different species that night
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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