she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
