I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
