so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
