you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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