it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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