I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
