Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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