I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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