a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
