just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
