Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
