I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
