No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
