just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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