just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
