I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
