I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
