dude i'm inner monologue high
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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