I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
