just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize