Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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