i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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