Having a random hookup so left but love u
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
