Have you finally orgasmed yet?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize