That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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