What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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