I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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