just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
