You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
