All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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