you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
