OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
