I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
