And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
birth control should be required to get into college
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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