dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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