those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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