How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
