dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
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The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
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What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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