Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
