Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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