At least make sure they are 18
Why
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
