my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
