I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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