Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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