that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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