Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
