my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
