don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
