All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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