My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
