Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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