How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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