i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
