I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
