Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
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Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
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While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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