Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I AM VODKA MAN
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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