i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
