She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
