I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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